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If you've done a fraction of the online dating I have, there's a good chance you've had the online dating blues at some point or other. The good thing about my years as the Dating Queen is that it gave me a lot of songwriting material!


Late one night you're all alone at your machine,
suddenly a website appears on your screen (it's a dating site.. you know the kind) you think
"What have I got to lose?" ($29.99 a month, it turns out)
That's how it starts, you've got the Online Dating Blues

So you type in your credit card to start shopping for men
You check off what you're looking for: handsome, rich and thin.
Only 3 guys pop up. And honestly, if you had to choose
(maybe being single isn't so bad after all)
That's how it goes, you've got the Online Dating Blues

You check your mailbox in the morning,
you stay up late at night.
You know you should be working, but instead you're on the site
Reading profiles, and checking email every hour for any news
That's how it goes, you've got the Online Dating Blues

Now you've browsed 3 dozen profiles & you're starting to wonder
Why all of the men your age want someone
It's enough to make a girl just wanna give up and go out shopping for shoes (time for a little retail therapy)
That's when you know you've got the Online Dating Blues

You decide to take a gamble, so you email 7 guys.
Your ego takes a beating when NOT ONE OF THEM REPLIES!
It's like playing the slots in Vegas: most of the time you lose
(But you keep trying for that jackpot!)
That's how it goes, you've got the Online Dating Blues!

Now you're deep in correspondence, the best you've had in years
You start to get your hopes up, but the guy JUST DISAPPEARS!
(He won't return your emails or your phone calls, it's like he handed you a Rubik's Cube... now you're obsessing, driving yourself crazy trying to figure it out)
That's how it goes, you've got the Online Dating Blues!


Now you finally got a date, but when he walks in the door,
You realize his pictures are from 20 POUNDS AGO!
(And he wasn't a stringbean then... )
I guess it's just called "paying your dues"
(This kind of thing happens to everyone online eventually..)

That's how it goes, you've got the Online Dating.. (x2)
That's how it goes, you've got the Online Dating Blues!

copyright ©2009 Melissa Dinwiddie


from My Ukulele (The Naked Sessions), released August 6, 2012
Melissa Dinwiddie - vox, ukulele


all rights reserved



Melissa Dinwiddie

Is this jazz, folk, or comedy? Performer (& “Uke-Diva”) Melissa Dinwiddie is a winning combination of all three. Inspired by the absurdities of modern life, Dinwiddie crafts songs evocative of the Great American Songbook but dealing with 21st Century themes. She has an ear for a witty turn of phrase, and her vocal chops and improvisational comic timing delight audiences of all ages. ... more

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