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Online Dating Blues

by Melissa Dinwiddie

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about

Gracious thanks and huge appreciations to the following "Executive Producers," without whose financial (not to mention emotional and spiritual) support this album never would have come to life:

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“Coffee Date” Executive Producers
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Ken & Sue Dinwiddie
Christopher Dougherty
Kenneth Luey
Jonathan Powers
Corinth Stocking
Carol Walls

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Web & Print Executive Producers
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Brien Anderson
Barbara Bostwick
Armelle Delaney
Esther “Pele” Heller
Steven Hibshman
Barbara Holbrook
Bill Jansen
Ron Karr
Kathryn Klibanoff & Jeremy Edes Pierotti
Troy Pummill
Lucy Reckseit
Joellen Werne & John Smolowe
Larry & Mary Ann Wight
Peter Wright

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Web Executive Producers
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Anonymous
Walter Bankovitch
Joyce Beattie
Jethro Busch
Julie Capilli
Meredith Fahn
Sherrie Lovler
Laurence & Katie Maller
Ed & Nancy Mendelssohn
Lucy Oxenhandler
Robert Ranche
Dainuri Rott
Lee Smith
Melissa Titone

credits

released December 11, 2009

Melissa Dinwiddie - vocals
Jake Smolowe - piano
Doug Lee - bass
John Lazarus - drums

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Melissa Dinwiddie

Is this jazz, folk, or comedy? Performer (& “Uke-Diva”) Melissa Dinwiddie is a winning combination of all three. Inspired by the absurdities of modern life, Dinwiddie crafts songs evocative of the Great American Songbook but dealing with 21st Century themes. She has an ear for a witty turn of phrase, and her vocal chops and improvisational comic timing delight audiences of all ages. ... more

contact / help

Contact Melissa Dinwiddie

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Track Name: Online Dating Blues
Late one night you're all alone at your machine,
suddenly a website appears on your screen (it's a dating site.. you know the kind) you think
"What have I got to lose?" ($29.99 a month, it turns out)
That's how it starts, you've got the Online Dating Blues

So you type in your credit card to start shopping for men
You check off what you're looking for: handsome, rich and thin.
Only 3 guys pop up. And honestly, if you had to choose
(maybe being single isn't so bad after all)
That's how it goes, you've got the Online Dating Blues

(CHORUS):
You check your mailbox in the morning,
you stay up late at night.
You know you should be working, but instead you're on the site
Reading profiles, and checking email every hour for any news
That's how it goes, you've got the Online Dating Blues

Now you've browsed 3 dozen profiles & you're starting to wonder
Why all of the men your age want someone
15 YEARS YOUNGER!
It's enough to make a girl just wanna give up and go out shopping for shoes (time for a little retail therapy)
That's when you know you've got the Online Dating Blues

You decide to take a gamble, so you email 7 guys.
Your ego takes a beating when NOT ONE OF THEM REPLIES!
It's like playing the slots in Vegas: most of the time you lose
(But you keep trying for that jackpot!)
That's how it goes, you've got the Online Dating Blues!

Now you're deep in correspondence, the best you've had in years
You start to get your hopes up, but the guy JUST DISAPPEARS!
(He won't return your emails or your phone calls, it's like he handed you a Rubik's Cube... now you're obsessing, driving yourself crazy trying to figure it out)
That's how it goes, you've got the Online Dating Blues!

(CHORUS)

Now you finally got a date, but when he walks in the door,
You realize his pictures are from 20 POUNDS AGO!
(And he wasn't a stringbean then... )
I guess it's just called "paying your dues"
(This kind of thing happens to everyone online eventually..)

tag:
That's how it goes, you've got the Online Dating.. (x2)
That's how it goes, you've got the Online Dating Blues!
Track Name: I Need A Vacation
I need a vacation, Away from email, faxes and phone.
I need a vacation, I wanna be someplace that’s not home.
I wanna get away from the daily grind
And if I don’t go soon I’m gonna lose my mind, because
I need a vacation! I’ve been workin’ too hard for too long.

I need a vacation, So I can stay up as late as I want.
Unplug the alarm clock,
My only goal is to have me some fun.
I wanna sleep in late, have breakfast in bed
Then maybe read a book or take a nap instead, because
I need a vacation! I’ve been workin’ too hard for too long.

I need a vacation, Someplace warm, with a tropical breeze,
With white, sandy beaches,
And lots of handsome cabana boys, please!
I wanna sip my drink from a cocoanut shell,
While I lie out on the beach. My boss can go to hell, because
I need a vacation!
I’ve been workin’ too hard for too long.

Tag: I need a vacation!
I’ve been workin’ too hard for too long. (x2)
Track Name: He's Just Not That Into You
You went out on a date, you think he's really great.
He hasn't called, you don't know what to do.
Perhaps he's sick, or maybe busy, but
ask yourself, girl, really, is he?
Truth is, he's just not that into you!

That cute guy at your gym, for months you've pined for him.
You laugh and flirt and smile, and he does too.
You like each other, there's no doubt, but if the guy won't ask you out,
Face it, he's just not that into you!

A man's a simple creature, it's really not that hard
to figure out an answer, no or yes.
Here's a little secret, that may catch you off guard:
A guy who's into you won't make you guess!

He calls you on the phone to see if you're alone.
He drops by for an hour, or maybe two.
You start to wonder, is this all? Are you just a booty call?
Girlfriend, he's just not that into you!

--

You never thought you'd weather so many years together.
You wonder if you'll ever say "I do."
But he says even with a halter you'll never drag him to the alter,
Which tells me he's just not that into you

You're crazy mad about him, just can't live without him,
Though he has other lovers, quite a few.
He says he just can't stick with one. My advice to you is "run!"
'Cause this one, he's just not that into you!

Girls, why do we settle for anything that's less than
everything we know that we deserve?
You tell me that you love him, and yet you still confess
You'd leave him if you only had the nerve!

You had a little fling; you knew he wore a ring.
But that's okay, he swears he loves you too.
You know you'd have the perfect life if he would only leave his wife!
Wake up! He's just not that into you!

tag:
You'll be better in the long run, just accept that he's the wrong one.
Girlfriend, he's just not that into you!
Track Name: Geary Street
There is a bar on Geary Street
Where sins confessed are washed away
And I confess that in my youth
I went there sometimes every day

For the weight of one day’s sin
Was more than I could bear
So off I’d go to Geary Street
To find forgiveness there

How I miss those days of youth
When I thought I could be washed clean
Now my trips to Geary Street
Are few and far between

But a wicked life is slow to pass
So here I am again
To lift a glass with you my friends
And be washed clean of sin

(tag) Of all the places to confess
Right here my friends is surely best

[Lyrics by Angus Stocking]
Track Name: Married Men
If you’ve got a couple of kids, and a mini-van
then get in line to be my man.
‘Cuz I take a lover every now and again…
but I only like married men.

married men, married men, I only like married men

I tried the other kind, but they just won’t do
I’ve got to have a married man or two

Married men are nice, they treat me right
they don’t got to see me every single night.
When I’m done with them, they leave me alone…
I can trust a married man to go home.

they go home, they go home, trust a married man to go home

I tried the other kind, but they just won’t do
I’ve got to have a married man or two

So if you’ve got a ring, and a ball and chain
be sure to hang around me when you bitch and complain.
Pretty soon you’ll be the one that I’m thinking of…
but for God’s sake man don’t fall in love.

don’t fall in love, don’t fall in love, for God’s sake man don’t fall in love

I tried the other kind, but they just won’t do
I’ve got to have a married man or two

When I’m done with your man, I’ll put him back on the shelf
after all a girl has got to look out for herself.
They all start to think they can run my life…
that’s when it’s time to get back to the wife.

back to the wife, back to the wife, time for you to get back to the wife

I tried the other kind, but they just won’t do
I’ve got to have a married man or two

[Lyrics by Angus Stocking]
Track Name: Geary Street (Solo)
There is a bar on Geary Street
Where sins confessed are washed away
And I confess that in my youth
I went there sometimes every day

For the weight of one day’s sin
Was more than I could bear
So off I’d go to Geary Street
To find forgiveness there

How I miss those days of youth
When I thought I could be washed clean
Now my trips to Geary Street
Are few and far between

But a wicked life is slow to pass
So here I am again
To lift a glass with you my friends
And be washed clean of sin

(tag) Of all the places to confess
Right here my friends is surely best

[Lyrics by Angus Stocking]